Formative Moments (1): Unresolved Issues

I was reflecting recently on a number of particularly profound insights given me by others, over the years, and how much impact they have on my present exploration of all things emerging. Here's the first one.

When I was a postgraduate student, I belonged to an Anglican church. The vicar there was an exceptionally wise pastor. He would occasionally be called upon to help facilitate selection conferences for would-be Church of England ordinands: the purpose of the activity being to confirm their calling from God to the ministry. He explained to me once that the key question he would pose, and work through with the candidates, was along the lines of "can you live with unresolved issues?"

Now, perhaps learning to do that is just part of growing up. But at the time, and still now, it struck me as pointing to a very valuable state of mind, both for personal happiness, and also for complex pastoral issues. Sometimes, the more we strive to tie up loose ends and put everything in a box, the more it all seems to burst out.

There are many things I don't know, and many situations I don't know how to approach (more on some of these another time). It's possible that failure to address them can simply be laziness, but sometimes, just being able to set them to one side, or even to live with their constant niggling, can be a real virtue.

This seems something of a development of the quote from Reinhold Niebuhr:

“God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that can be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other”

but I always preferred the alternative (though Google can't seem to find the definitive version, so I don't know whom to credit):

“God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that can be changed, and the wisdom to know where to bury the bodies of those who didn't want to change."